you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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