11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
