he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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