Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
