i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
