hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
