your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
