Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize