He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
