I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
