Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
