Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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