i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
