Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize