I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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