New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
