My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
