well I can't set my house on fire every night
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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