Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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