Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
