I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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