you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize