The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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