apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
