I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
