I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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