Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We left an ass print on the piano.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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