now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
