But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize