Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Found your dick twin last night
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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