I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
