Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
