I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
