yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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