My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
