Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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