I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
