you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
