I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
