I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
