Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
