I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
