Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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