we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
