yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
