there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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