Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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