you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
