I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
