I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
