Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
