Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
