the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
