he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
