those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
