And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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