new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
