I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
