party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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