mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
