i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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