you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
