I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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