Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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