I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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