I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
