so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
