Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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