Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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