Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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