Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
